Just Me and the Dancing Pigs
by LuvzAfunEthing
Summary: My take on Episode 2 of Season 5. My fic, The Whole Enchilada, was episode 1. Please RR. Better than Enchilada, I think.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own or have the rights to any of the characters, places, or past events discussed in this piece of humble fiction. That honor is officially that of the talented and ingenious Amy Sherman-Palladino, whom created a finale so fabulous that it made us all want to jump up and down and do high kicks.  
  
**Episode 2 of Season 5--Just Me and the Dancing Pigs  
  
**(Episode 1 is my fic **The Whole Enchilada**, in case you didn't know)  
  
**Teaser  
**  
INSIDE OF GILMORE HOUSE--NIGHTTIME  
  
_Rory walks into the kitchen and sees Lorelai slowly opening and closing the refrigerator door.  
_  
Rory: (_quizzically_) Uh, Mom, what are you doing?  
  
Lorelai: (_closing the fridge_) I'm calculating the exact moment when the fridge light goes out.  
  
Rory: (_rubbing her eyes_) Why?  
  
Lorelai: (_shrugging_) Can't sleep.  
  
Rory: (_sitting down at the kitchen table_) Luke _told _you not to have that fifth cup of coffee.  
  
Lorelai: (_sitting down too_) Well, it's _his_ fault. His coffee's too good. I think he laces it with something.  
  
Rory: (_rolling her eyes_) Yeah, Mom...you know, I bet it's cocaine...maybe LSD.  
  
Lorelai: (_with that thinking look_) _That_ would explain the dancing pig hallucination I had a few hours ago.  
  
Rory: (_getting up_) You're so tired, you're delirious. Come on, just go to bed.  
  
Lorelai: I can't. I just lie there and stare at the ceiling, counting cracks.  
  
Rory: There are no cracks in your ceiling.  
  
Lorelai: _Right_. So it didn't take long to count them. That's why I came down here.  
  
Rory: (_turning toward her room_) Fine, but I'm going back to bed.  
  
Lorelai: (_calling after her_) Okay. I'll be here. Just me and the dancing pigs.  
  
Fade to Black. Opening Credits

[Read on--4 acts to go]


	2. Act One: Watermelons and Tote bags

(The afore-mentioned disclaimer still applies.)  
  
**Act One: Watermelons and Tote bags**  
  
OUTSIDE OF DOOSE'S MARKET IN STARS HOLLOW--MORNING  
  
_Rory is leaving Doose's Market when Lindsay walks up to her.  
  
_Lindsay: (_angry_) What's your problem?  
  
Rory: (_confused_) What?  
  
Lindsay: (_hissing_) I knew you wanted Dean back.  
  
Rory: (_worried_) Lindsay, I...  
  
Lindsay: (_shaking her head_) Calling him constantly...I saw your name on his phone...Seeing him behind my back...He's _my_ husband...Sacred wedding vows, ever heard of them?  
  
Rory: (_frowning_) Lindsay, I'm not tryin to steal Dean from you.  
  
Lindsay: (_smirking_) You know, you've got this whole town fooled into thinking you're a saint. But, I know what you're really like.  
  
Rory: (_curious_) What am I really like?  
  
Lindsay: (_angry_) You treated Dean like garbage, tossed him aside when that James Dean wannabe came along. Now you think you can just have him back?  
  
Rory: (_calmly_) Look...I'm not trying to be with Dean...you're married...But, actually, you two don't seem too happy right now.  
  
Lindsay: (_agitated_) What's _that_ supposed to mean? Did Dean tell you about the divorce thing?  
  
Rory: (_looking away_) Well, I...  
  
Lindsay: (_rolling her eyes_) Was probably your idea.  
  
Rory: Wait a second...  
  
Lindsay: (_backing away_) Look..Save it...Dean and I are _not_ getting divorced. Find yourself another husband to steal.  
  
_Lindsay walks away, and Rory just stands there confused and hurt.  
  
_

CUT TO GILMORE HOUSE--FRONT YARD  
  
_Luke pulls up in his truck. Lorelai is standing on her front lawn, watering some dirt, in front of her porch, with a hose (Dirty!). Luke gets out of his truck.  
  
_Lorelai: (_smiling and turning off the hose_) Hey, Luke.  
  
Luke: (_carrying some bags, looking less than thrilled, in full rant mode_) Ya know...the diner doesn't have a delivery service...Why couldn't you just come in and have breakfast?....and why do you always say "extra whipped cream" when you place an order...You don't have to say it...You've been ordering the same thing for years...  
  
Lorelai: (_frowning_) Well, good morning to you too, Sunshine.  
  
Luke: (_sighs, feeling guilty, sets down the bags on the porch steps_) Sorry...just havin a bad day...the delivery guy screwed up my order...Ceaser came in late...and I got customers comin outta my ears.  
  
Lorelai: (_squinting_) Wow, they must be really tiny, cuz, I don't see 'em.  
  
Luke: (_half smiles_) You know what I mean.  
  
Lorelai: (_smiling_) Sorry I made you drop this stuff off. It's just with Rory leaving for Europe this afternoon, I thought she and I could spend _Laverne and Shirley_ time together.  
  
Luke: That's right. She's leavin today. I haven't seen her the past couple days. Is she excited about the trip?  
  
Lorelai: Ah yes. But I think that excitement will soon be replaced by painful regret once she realizes she's on vacation with "the tour guide from hell".  
  
Luke: Your mother's that bad?  
  
Lorelai: (_touching his arm_) Oh, Luke, you have no idea. One time, when I was younger, we took a trip to New York...I saw _four_ Broadway shows in _three_ days...tried on fifty hats at Bloomingdale's...sat through two dinner parties with her obnoxious friends...and watched as she nearly killed a cab driver with her _Louis Vuton_ luggage.  
  
Luke: (_shaking his head_) Give Rory my condolences.  
  
Lorelai: Will do.  
  
Luke: (_motioning to the hose_) By the way, what're you doing?  
  
Lorelai: Oh, well, I thought I'd bathe outside today...you know.._al fresco_...mix things up...(_giving him a look_) I'm watering, silly...  
  
Luke: (_confused_) Watering what? The dirt? Uh, Lorelai, you do know that's _not_ how you make more dirt?  
  
Lorelai: Wow...never knew that...maybe that's why my water bill's so high...._Luke_, I planted seeds yesterday.  
  
Luke: (_surprised_) You planted seeds?  
  
Lorelai: Well, not so much _planted_ as spit them off the porch last night when we were eating watermelon. But, I thought, hey, while they're down there, why not add some water?...and presto...I could have some huge melons by the end of summer...Ooo dirty...  
  
Luke: Uh huh. (_pointing to the hose_) Just don't strangle yourself with that thing.  
  
Lorelai: Oh, I _know_ how to handle a hose...Whoa, dirty again...I'm two for two today.  
  
Luke: Ah geez. (_motioning toward his truck_) Well, I should probably get back to the diner.  
  
Lorelai: Oh, yeah...Hey, what're ya doin tonight?  
  
Luke: Nothin. Why?  
  
Lorelai: (_smiling_) How 'bout you come over?..you know..we can hang out...watch a movie...watch the seeds grow...whatever.  
  
Luke: (_smiling_) Yeah, sure. What time?  
  
Lorelai: Hmm...Mom's picking up Rory at three...so...how 'bout six-ish?  
  
Luke: Six-ish is good.  
  
Lorelai: K...good. Ooo, hey...could you bring some food with ya?  
  
Luke: Like what?  
  
Lorelai: Oh, you know what I like.  
  
Luke: Yes, but I'm not bringing all of it.  
  
Lorelai: Why not? We could pig out, then take turns weighing ourselves.  
  
Luke: (_leaning closer to her_) I'll surprise you.  
  
Lorelai: (_smiling_) Ok, great.  
  
Luke: (_starting to leave_) Alright, well, I'll see ya later.  
  
Lorelai: (_calling after him_) Hey, Luke! (_looks around to see if anyone is looking and motions for him to come close to her_)  
  
Luke: (_confused_) What?  
  
Lorelai: (_smiles, puts her hand on his shoulder and whispers_) Don't forget the fries.  
  
Luke: (_rolls his eyes and smiles at her_) I won't.  
  
_He then starts to walk away again_.  
  
Lorelai: Hey, Luke! (_does the same looking-around-motioning-him-to-come-to- her_)  
  
Luke: (_slightly agitated_) What now?  
  
_Lorelai puts her hand on his arm, pretends like she's going to speak, but then leans in and kisses him instead.  
_  
Lorelai: (_smiling_) Thanks for the food. See ya later.  
  
Luke: (_smiling_) Alright...(_walking away_) You know, this day's startin to look up.  
  
Lorelai: (_squirts him with the hose_) And bring some ketchup! We're out.  
  
Luke: Hey! (_getting in his truck_) Spoke too soon.  
  
_Lorelai smiles and resumes her watering.  
  
_

CUT TO INSIDE OF GILMORE HOUSE

_Lorelai is in the kitchen, setting the food out on the table. The front door slams.  
  
_Lorelai: (_startled_) Rory, is that you?  
  
Rory: (_sarcastically, as she walks into the kitchen_) No, it's a really aggressive _Jehovah's Witness.  
_  
Lorelai: (_holding her arms up_) Praise the Lord! Hallelujah! (_notices Rory's upset_) What's wrong?  
  
Rory: (_sitting down_) I ran into Lindsay.  
  
Lorelai: (_eyes widen_) Oh...What happened?  
  
Rory: She was yelling at me about trying to steal Dean away.  
  
Lorelai: (_sitting down_) Does she know about...  
  
Rory: (_sighing_) I'm not sure...How did I get myself into this? I was so stupid.  
  
Lorelai: (_placing her hand on Rory's_) You weren't stupid. Look, hun, you'll be gone for awhile. Dean and Lindsay will have time to deal with their own stuff. Everything will work out.  
  
Rory: (_looking down_) I dunno. Everything's just so messed up.  
  
Lorelai: Well, welcome to adulthood where every mistake you make, earns you a nice tote bag.  
  
Rory: (_smiling_) Tote bag?  
  
Lorelai: Oh, yes. I have quite a collection. Various colors and sizes....(_hesitantly_) Hey, if Dean does get a divorce, do you think you'll...  
  
Rory: (_interrupting_) I don't know. I can't even think about that right now. Anyway, I should probably finish packing.  
  
Lorelai: (_smiling_) You'll be okay. Whatever you decide, I'm here. Well, unless you and Dean decide to poison me so you can inherit all my worldly riches.  
  
Rory: Your worldly riches?  
  
Lorelai: Yes, I do have that fine collection of tote bags.  
  
Rory: Ooo, yeah. Do we have any arsenic around here?  
  
Lorelai: Sure...Hey, what's the number for 911.  
  
Fade to black.


	3. Act Two: Big Berets and Good Kissers

(The afore-mentioned disclaimer still applies.)  
  
**Act Two--Big Berets and Good Kissers  
  
**STARS HOLLOW--AFTERNOON

_Lorelai and Rory are walking through town carrying a couple of bags.  
  
_Rory: I can't believe I forgot to buy toothpaste and deodorant.  
  
Lorelai: You know, I don't think you really need 'em. Europe's known for its unpleasant bodily aromas.  
  
Rory: Yeah, but what if I see Jean-Claude again?  
  
Lorelai: (_reminiscing_) Oh, Jean-Claude. Who could forget him...his smile, his wink, his huge beret. Hey, you know what they say about a guy with a big beret?  
  
Rory: That he's got a freakishly large head?  
  
Lorelai: Yeah, pretty much.  
  
_Kirk walks up to them.  
_  
Kirk: (_nodding to each of them_) Rory, Lorelai.  
  
Lorelai & Rory: Hey, Kirk.  
  
Kirk: I hear you're going to Europe for the summer, Rory.  
  
Rory: (_smiling_) Well, actually, it's just for six weeks.  
  
Kirk: Well, I'm sure you'll have a great time. Oh, while you're there, do you think you could pick up some cheese for Lulu?  
  
Lorelai: Why, Kirk? Is she becoming a mouse?  
  
Kirk: She has a thing for imported cheese...I dunno...She sure does have a healthy appetite..This one day, she ate an entire bag of cookies.  
  
Lorelai: (_smiling_) We've been known to do that on occasion.  
  
Rory: (_reminiscing_) Ah, yes. The Great Cookie Binge of 1996. I remember it fondly.  
  
Kirk: (_nonchalantly_) And if you could, uh, pick something up for me...you know, since you forgot to bring me something back last summer.  
  
Lorelai: We told you we were sorry about that.  
  
Kirk: Yeah, well, sorry won't bring back that night I cried myself to sleep.  
  
Rory: (_frowns_) Aww...you cried?  
  
Kirk: Yeah, mostly because I had just sliced some onions, and they really irritated my eyes...but the souvenir thing hurt too.  
  
Lorelai: (_tilting her head_) Well, Rory will remember you this time, Kirk.  
  
Kirk: Thanks. And don't forget Lulu's cheese.  
  
Rory: Okay. Bye.  
  
Kirk: Bye.  
  
Lorelai: (_whispering_) That man needs therapy.  
  
Rory: Big time!

CUT TO LUKE'S DINER

_Rory and Lorelai walk in.  
_  
Luke: (_noticing them_) Hi, Rory. You ready for Europe?  
  
Lorelai: (_sitting down at a table_) No, the better question is..Is she ready to be tortured by her grandmother?  
  
Rory: (_sitting down too_) Grandma's not _tha_t bad.  
  
Lorelai: (_smiling_) Oh, hun, let's see if you feel the same way, when she's fitting you for wooden shoes in Holland.  
  
Rory: (_with a freaked out expression_) What did I get myself into?  
  
Lorelai: I tried to warn ya.  
  
_Luke walks up to the table_.  
  
Luke: So, what do you two wanna eat?  
  
Lorelai: (_smiling_) Um, I'll have a burger.  
  
Luke: Don't have a burger.  
  
Lorelai: Why not?  
  
Luke: Cuz I'm bringing you a burger tonight.  
  
Lorelai: (_whining_) But, I feel like one now.  
  
Luke: (_giving up, as usual_) Fine. Burger and fries. How 'bout you Rory?  
  
Rory: (_smiling_) I'll have the same. Oh, and some coffee too. One last fix of it before I leave. I won't have it for six weeks. I'll be in withdrawal.  
  
Lorelai: (_excited_) Ooo, hey, when you go through the night sweats and convulsions, make sure Mom's around, it'll really freak her out.  
  
Luke: Alright...two burgers comin up.  
  
_Luke walks away_.  
  
Rory: (_whispering mischievously_) So, Luke's coming over tonight?  
  
Lorelai: Yes.  
  
Rory: And you're gonna have the whole house to yourselves.  
  
Lorelai: (_rolling her eyes_) Get your mind outta the gutter, Howard Stern.  
  
Rory: So, what're you two gonna do?  
  
Lorelai: (_pensively_) Well, I was thinking we could clean my gun collection, and then do target practice out back......We're just gonna watch a movie or something.  
  
Rory: (_smiling_) You mean make out while a movie is playing in the background.  
  
Lorelai: You blasphemer! That would totally be a violation of the Gilmore Movie Rules.  
  
Rory: Yeah, but you're a _Rebel Without a Cause_.  
  
Lorelai: I have to tutor Luke on movies, remember? No boyfriend of mine will be movie-illiterate.  
  
Rory: (_surprised_) Oh my gosh...  
  
Lorelai: What?  
  
Rory: (_pointing to Lorelai_) You just called him your boyfriend.  
  
Lorelai: (_embarrassed_) No I didn't.  
  
Rory: (_smiling_) Yes, you did.  
  
Lorelai: (_looking around_) Oh, God, do you think he heard?  
  
Rory: Nah, he's in the kitchen, I think. So...you really like him, huh? I mean I know you already liked him cuz he's Luke...but, I mean, you "like him" like him, don't you?  
  
Lorelai: (_smiling_) Yeah...and you know what's strange?  
  
Rory: What?  
  
Lorelai: That it doesn't even feel weird. It's like we've been going out forever...cuz we've known each other so long.  
  
Rory: Yeah, but now you get to kiss him.  
  
Lorelai: (_smiling_) Yeah...and Luke's a pretty good k....(_Luke walks over right then, and Lorelai tries to cover_)...cook. He's a great cook. You're a great cook, Luke!  
  
Luke: (_confused_) Uh, thanks. So, here ya go. Rory have a great time in Europe. Don't eat too much French food. It's all fat.  
  
Rory: K, Luke.  
  
_Luke walks away_. _Lorelai takes a bite of the burger.  
  
_Lorelai: Mmmm...Luke _is_ a really good cook.  
  
_Her and Rory giggle.  
  
_CUT TO GILMORE HOUSE

_Suitcases are all over the living room. Lorelai walks in and trips over one, then tries to catch her balance.  
_  
Lorelai: Whoa, uh, hey Rory, do you think you packed enough?  
  
Rory: (_walking in the room_) Mom, it is for six weeks.  
  
Lorelai: (_sitting down with Rory, on the couch_) I can't believe you're gonna be gone that long...Oh, just cancel and stay home with me...Please, please...I'll but you a pony...  
  
Rory: Mom, I'll miss you too. But this trip'll be good for me...and just think...you get out of six Friday night dinners.  
  
Lorelai: (_excited_) Ooo, yeah...What will I do with all that free time and lack of constant criticism?  
  
Rory: You could criticize yourself.  
  
Lorelai: Nah, it's not the same. I can never get Emily's voice down just right. Every time I try, I end up sounding like one of the guys from _Queer Eye_.  
  
Rory: Oh, hey, you should make Luke watch that.  
  
Lorelai: (_giving her a look_) Do you _want_ him to break up with me?  
  
Rory: Of course not. Hey...is my light blue sweater still on top of the dryer?  
  
Lorelai: Oh, yeah. I'll go get it. (_walking out of the room_) I can't believe you're taking away half my wardrobe for six weeks.  
  
Rory: They're my clothes!  
  
Lorelai: (OS) Yeah, but they're still half my wardrobe.  
  
_Rory's cell phone rings_.  
  
Rory: Hello?  
  
Dean: Hi Rory. It's Dean.  
  
_Scene switches back in forth between Rory and Dean as they talk_.  
  
Rory: (_walking out to the front por_ch) Oh, hey Dean. (_shutting the door_)  
  
Dean: I just wanted to talk to you before you left.  
  
Rory: (_surprised_) Oh, so you know?  
  
Dean: Yeah...Stars Hollow...Everybody pretty much knows everything.  
  
Rory: (_frowns_) Oh, Dean, does Lindsay know what happened?  
  
Dean: No, why?  
  
Rory: Well, I saw her this morning, and she was pretty upset.  
  
Dean: (_upset_) What did she say?  
  
Rory: To stay away from you.  
  
Dean: I'm sorry...  
  
Rory: It's all right. She was really mad though. I don't think she wants a divorce.  
  
Dean: (_sighing_) That's what I want..so...  
  
Rory: Okay.  
  
Dean: So, gone for six weeks, huh?  
  
Rory: (_smiling_) Yeah, it'll be good to have a break from everything.  
  
Dean: I guess...so will you send me a postcard from Europe.  
  
Rory: (_concerned_) What if Lindsay gets it?  
  
Dean: Oh, well, then just mentally send me one.  
  
Rory: (_smiling_) Okay.  
  
Dean: I'll see you when you get back. Have fun.  
  
Rory: You too....I mean...Not that the whole divorce thing will be fun...but...  
  
Dean: I know what you meant.  
  
Rory: Okay...well, see ya.  
  
Dean: Rory?  
  
Rory: Yeah?  
  
Dean: I'll..uh...miss you.  
  
Rory:(_with a look of uncertainty_) K..uh..me too...Bye Dean.  
  
Dean: Bye.  
  
Fade to Black.


	4. Act Three: French Cheese and Top Hats

(The afore-mentioned disclaimer still applies.)  
  
**Act Three--French Cheese and Top Hats**  
  
GILMORE HOUSE--RORY'S ROOM

_Lane is sitting on the bed while Rory puts stuff into her duffle bag.  
  
_Lane: Europe...two summers in a row...you're such a jet setter...so lucky, too.  
  
Rory: You and I should go someday.  
  
Lane: Great idea. With our luck, we'd probably hook up with two very hot European guys only to find that they're secretly using us to smuggle drugs. Then we'll end up in some scary prison.  
  
Rory: But, at least we'll have each other.  
  
Lane: True. So, my mom and I have been seeing each other more.  
  
Rory: (_smiling_) Really? That's great.  
  
Lane: Well, actually, it's more like her visiting, drinking her tea in virtual silence, and asking if I've read the Bible lately. But it's a start.  
  
Rory: (_nodding_) Yeah. A start's good.  
  
Lane: So, six weeks. You'll be gone way too long.  
  
Rory: I'll be back before you know it.  
  
Lane: (_getting up and shutting the door_) Did you talk to Dean?  
  
Rory: Yeah, he called earlier. Oh, and I had a fun encounter with Lindsay this morning.  
  
Lane: (_surprised_) Whoa, what happened?  
  
Rory: She told me to stay away from Dean. She says they're not getting a divorce.  
  
Lane: But, they are, right?  
  
Rory: (_sighing_) Yeah, at least that's what Dean says. Anyway, I just...it will be good to get away...Then I can figure out what to do.  
  
Lane: But I'll miss ya.  
  
Rory: Yeah, me too.

CUT TO LIVING ROOM

_The doorbell rings. Lorelai goes to answer it_.  
  
Lorelai: (_calling to Rory_) Ror, I think Grandma's here.  
  
_She opens the door. Sookie and Michel are standing there.  
  
_Lorelai: Oh, hey Sookie, Michel...What are you doing here?  
  
Michel: (_rolling his eyes_) Nice hospitality.  
  
Lorelai: Come in....I just meant..I thought you two were supposed to be in Hartford at the Home and Garden Show, looking for ideas for the inn.  
  
Sookie: Well, we were...Until Michel got us kicked out.  
  
Lorelai: What?  
  
Michel: That vendor was _so_ rude. He kept trying to get me to sit in that massage chair. I didn't want to, okay? It's not my fault he tripped over those boxes.  
  
Sookie: You pushed him!  
  
Michel: They'll never prove it.  
  
Lorelai: You _didn'_t!  
  
Michel: I can't help it. I don't like things that vibrate.  
  
Lorelai: (_snapping her figures_) Oh man. There goes the trip to the sex toy shop for your birthday present.  
  
Sookie: (_smiling_) Where's Rory? I wanna say bye before she leaves.  
  
Lorelai: She's in her room with Lane.  
  
_Rory and Lane come walking out.  
_  
Rory: (_looking around_) I thought Grandma was here.  
  
Lorelai: False Alarm.  
  
Sookie: Rory, you excited?  
  
Rory: (_smiling_) Yeah.  
  
Michel: Rory, will you be visiting France?  
  
Rory: (_nodding_) Yes, we will.  
  
Michel: Well, have a nice glass of wine and cheese for me.  
  
Rory: Okay, will do.  
  
Michel: (_reminiscing_) Oh, I do love cheese. I miss it the most, you know.  
  
Lorelai: That's what you miss about France--the cheese? We do have cheese here in America, Michel.  
  
Michel: Yes. American cheese. Not at all original. Oh, French cheese. (_a little misty_) Excuse me. I need a moment.  
  
_Michel walks out the front door_.  
  
Lorelai (_to Rory_): He and Lulu should start a club.  
  
Sookie: Well, Rory, Have a great time. (_hugs her_) We'll miss you. Pinch a French guy's butt for me!  
  
Rory: (_laughing_) Okay, Sookie. Come on, Lane. I gotta give you those CDs you lent me.  
  
Lane: Okay.  
  
_Lane and Rory walk off, leaving Sookie and Lorelai in the living room together_.  
  
Lorelai: (_whispering_) Hey, Sookie...um...before anything gets out...I wanna tell you something.  
  
Sookie: What?  
  
Lorelai: Luke and I are, uh, kinda...  
  
Sookie: (_sighing_) You're not fighting again, are you? I swear you two go at it like cats and dogs.  
  
Lorelai: (_smiling_) Actually, no...um...we're dating.  
  
Sookie: (_doesn't believe her_) Yeah right.  
  
Lorelai: Sookie, I'm serious.  
  
Sookie: You and Luke are dating? No way.  
  
Lorelai: Yes.  
  
Sookie: No.  
  
Lorelai: Yes.  
  
Sookie: Yes?  
  
Lorelai: Yes.  
  
Sookie: (_eyes widen_) Oh my God! When did this happen?  
  
Lorelai: It's only been a few weeks, but it's going pretty well.  
  
Sookie: (_shocked_) A few _weeks_?...and you only told me now?  
  
Lorelai: I'm sorry...its just..we were tryin to keep things quiet...plus with the inn...and Rory...I just kinda forgot.  
  
Sookie: (_still in disbelief_) Wow! Luke? I mean I always thought you two would....but to have it actually happen. Wow.  
  
Lorelai: (_smiling_) Yeah, I know.  
  
_Suddenly Emily's voice is heard from off screen_.  
  
Emily: (OS) Lorelai? Rory?  
  
Lorelai: (_whispering to Sookie_) My mom doesn't know. Shhh.  
  
Sookie: Okay.  
  
_Emily walks into the living room_.  
  
Emily: You just leave your front door open? Do you _want_ to have intruders in here?  
  
Lorelai: Yes, Mom. I find it's the best way to polish my Kung Fu moves.  
  
Emily: (_rolling her eyes_) Where's Rory? Oh, hello, Sookie.  
  
Sookie: Hi. Have a great time in Europe. See ya later, Lorelai.  
  
Lorelai: Bye, Sook.  
  
_Sookie walks out. Rory walks in. Lane has apparently left_.  
  
Rory: Hey Grandma.  
  
Emily: Hello, Rory. Are you ready?  
  
Rory: Yes.  
  
Emily: Great. The driver will get your luggage.  
  
Lorelai: Hey Mom, how's Dad?  
  
Emily: Why don't you call him and find out?  
  
Lorelai: Oookay.  
  
Emily: Well, Lorelai, you take care of yourself. And I will take care of our Rory. (_pats Rory on the shoulder_)  
  
Lorelai: Okay, Mom.  
  
Emily: (_in a huff_) What on Earth is taking that driver so long to get the luggage?...Excuse me....  
  
_Emily leaves.  
_  
Lorelai: (_kinda sad_) So, kid, you're really leavin me?  
  
Rory: Mom, I'll be back before you know it.  
  
Lorelai: Last chance to bail. That offer about the pony still stands.  
  
Rory: Ponies scare me, remember?  
  
Lorelai: Well, then how 'bout a goat?  
  
Rory: Mom. (_hugs her_) You'll be fine. I'll miss you.  
  
Lorelai: I'll miss you, too. Call every day.  
  
Rory: I will.  
  
_Lorelai looks at Rory and smiles_.  
  
Lorelai: I love you, sweetie.  
  
Rory: I love you, too. You and Luke behave yourselves. I won't be here to chaperone.  
  
Lorelai: (_smiling_) Well, I'll try, but I don't know about Luke....

CUT TO GILMORE HOUSE--THAT EVENING

_The doorbell rings. Lorelai is heard off screen.  
  
_Lorelai: (OS) I'll be there in a minute. (_she opens the door_) Hey, Luke.  
  
Luke: (_walking in with bags of food_) Hey...Where do you want this? Kitchen?  
  
Lorelai: Yeah (_following close behind him as he walks to the kitchen, touching the back of his shirt_) Ahh...flannel...sweet flannel...you've returned...oh, how I've missed you.  
  
Luke: What're you talkin about? You saw me in flannel earlier.  
  
Lorelai: Yes..but this is the first time you've worn flannel on a date with me.  
  
Luke: Oh...well I woulda wore my tux, but it's at the cleaners with my top hat.  
  
Lorelai: Top hat! Great look for you!  
  
Luke: Uh huh. So I brought a little of everything. You hungry?  
  
Lorelai: Starved.  
  
Luke: Good. So Rory's on her way, huh?  
  
Lorelai: (_sifting through the bags_) Yeah, I miss her already.  
  
Luke: (_sitting down at the table_) So...Sookie came to the diner this afternoon.  
  
Lorelai: (_sitting down too_) Okay.  
  
Luke: Yeah. She kept winking at me and giggling. I assumed you told her about us because the only other alternative is that she's developed some kinda tic...  
  
Lorelai: (_smiling_) Maybe she has a crush on you. I'll have to fight her. Mud wrestling?  
  
Luke: No thanks. So you told her?  
  
Lorelai: Yeah, I figured I should before she reads it in the _Stars Hollow Gazette_.  
  
Luke: The people in this town are so nosy.  
  
Lorelai: Really? Yeah. I think they have big ears, too.  
  
Luke: Alright...eat.  
  
Lorelai: (_excited_) Ooo yeah...cuz I picked out a great movie for us.  
  
Luke: Which one?  
  
Lorelai: _Psycho_? Seen it?  
  
Luke: Nope.  
  
Lorelai: Luke Danes, you are in for a treat...You'll never feel the same way about showering again.  
  
Fade to black.


	5. Act Four: Showers and Sinks

(The afore-mentioned disclaimer still applies.)  
  
**Act Four--Showers and Sinks**  
  
GILMORE HOUSE

_Luke and Lorelai are sitting in the living room on the couch, watching Psycho.  
  
_Luke: (_freaked out_) Wow, um, you weren't kidding about the shower thing.  
  
Lorelai: Oh yeah. Trust me, you'll be peeking out from behind the curtain next time you're in there.  
  
Luke: (_nodding_) Yeah.  
  
_Lorelai turns down the movie and then turns to face Luke_.  
  
Lorelai: So, I wanna ask you something.  
  
Luke: (_motioning with his hand_) No movie trivia. Please.  
  
Lorelai: (_smiling_) No. I mean about "us".  
  
Luke: (_looking at her_) Okay.  
  
Lorelai: So, why now? Why did you ask me out now?  
  
Luke: What do you mean?  
  
Lorelai: Well, we've known each other forever. So, why now?  
  
Luke: (_shrugging_) I dunno. Just seemed like the right time.  
  
Lorelai: Okay, but why?  
  
Luke: (_getting increasingly more uncomfortable_) Well, what do you want me to say?  
  
Lorelai: You said somethin about a book that night you kissed me....What was that all about?  
  
Luke: (_nervous_) Nothin. It was nothin.  
  
Lorelai: (_confused_) What book?....(then a look of realization) Oh my gosh...Jess's book...was that your book?  
  
Luke: (_lying unconvincingly_) Uh no.  
  
Lorelai: It _was_. That's why you got so mad when I was making fun of it.  
  
Luke: I wasn't mad.  
  
Lorelai: (_gasping_) So, it _was_ your book!  
  
Luke: (_embarrassed_) Oh geez.  
  
Lorelai: (_smiling_) Luke, you're the last person I'd expect to find reading a self-help book....at least you didn't buy those ridiculous tapes...(_seeing the expression on his face, and then feeling guilty_) Oh no....you did...I'm sorry.  
  
Luke: (_trying to be cool about it_) It's alright.  
  
Lorelai: Why did you buy all that stuff?  
  
Luke: Uh...  
  
Lorelai: (_lightly hitting his arm_) Oh, come on. Tell me. I promise I won't laugh...too hard.  
  
Luke: (_half smiling_) Gee Thanks. There's nothin to tell. You remember that day in the kitchen...you were talking about us being lonely and those damn Dr. Phil books?  
  
Lorelai: So, you got them cuz you were lonely?  
  
Luke: (_trying to explain_) No...see...I just wanted...I dunno...I needed some answers...Things weren't going that great....It was a last resort.....I was _desperate_, okay?  
  
Lorelai: So, you asked me out cuz you were desperate....What every girl longs to hear!  
  
Luke: No...it wasn't like that....I'm just not good with words, alright...Just listen...Those books and tapes were lame, yeah, but they made me realize that maybe what I was looking for was here...I just didn't know it.  
  
Lorelai: (_taken aback_) Wow...so...um...when did you realize you liked me?  
  
Luke: (_more uncomfortable_) Do we have to talk about this now?  
  
Lorelai: Why not?  
  
Luke: Cuz it's embarrassing.  
  
Lorelai: (_pressing_) Come on, Luke. When?  
  
Luke: I told you....it was when I listened to the tapes.  
  
Lorelai: No, that's when you decided to do something about it.  
  
Luke: Same thing.  
  
Lorelai: No, it's not. So, for how long?  
  
Luke: (_sighing_) I dunno..for awhile.  
  
Lorelai: (_surprised_) Awhile? _Can't_ be more than a couple of months. (_She sees the expression on his face, which tells her otherwise and is shocked_.) Oh, Luke...I didn't...uh..  
  
Luke: (_embarrassed and agitated_) Look, I don't wanna talk about this anymore. I don't know why you had to keep pushing me about it.  
  
Lorelai: I wasn't...I just...  
  
_Luke gets up from the couch, angry.  
  
_Luke: I'm gonna go get some water.  
  
_Lorelai watches him walk away.  
_  
CUT TO GILMORE KITCHEN

_Lorelai walks in. Luke is standing by the sink.  
  
_Lorelai: (_quietly_) Luke?  
  
Luke: Yeah.  
  
Lorelai: (_frowning_) I'm sorry I....you weren't ready to talk about it.  
  
Luke: (_looking down_) No. I _wasn't._  
  
Lorelai: Well, I said I was sorry.  
  
Luke: (_in rant mode_) Ya know, it's like you don't think before you talk. The words just come flyin outta your mouth...  
  
Lorelai: Okay, you don't have to get all defensive.  
  
Luke: I'm not.  
  
Lorelai: Uh, yeah, you are....If you were playin football, the other team would have zero points.  
  
Luke: What?  
  
_Lorelai moves toward the sink. Luke sits down at the table.  
_  
Lorelai: (_partially leaning on the sink_) Football...Defense....(_we hear a clink and Lorelai looks down at the sink_.) Oh, damn...my earring!  
  
Luke: What?  
  
Lorelai: It fell down the sink drain.  
  
Luke: What?  
  
Lorelai: (_angry_) Am I speaking English? Do you need subtitles here? Earring...Down drain...Bad...Bad....  
  
Luke: (_getting up and looking down the sink_) Well, how did that happen?  
  
Lorelai: (_rubbing her forehead_) It was loose all night. It just fell off. Can you get it?  
  
Luke: (_sighing, less than thrilled_) Great...plumbing work...  
  
Lorelai: (_sighing_) Fine..then I'll get it.  
  
Luke: (_looking at her_) No, I'll do it. Bert's still here from yesterday, right?  
  
Lorelai: (_sarcastically, looking at him_)Uh, yeah. Had him and Ernie, hell, the whole _Sesame Street_ gang, over for a kegger.  
  
Luke: My toolbox!  
  
Lorelai: (_with the 'duh' look_) Oh, yeah. It's here.  
  
Luke: Alright. I'll get it.  
  
_Luke walks out of the room. Lorelai mumbles to herself looking down the drain.  
  
_Lorelai: Stupid earring...stupid drain  
  
_Luke walks back in with some tools. He goes under the sink and starts messing with the pipes (dirty!).  
_  
Lorelai: You find it?  
  
Luke: No, I don't see it.  
  
Lorelai: (_reaching down the drain_) Maybe I can reach it.  
  
Luke: Oh, I got it.  
  
Lorelai: (_with a strange expression on her face_) Uh, Luke?  
  
Luke: (_still under the sink, putting the pipe back together_) What?  
  
Lorelai: My arm's stuck.  
  
Luke: Yeah sure.  
  
Lorelai: No, I'm not kidding.  
  
_Luke gets up from under the sink and stands next to her, seeing her arm stuck.  
  
_Luke: Well, why did you stick your arm down there?  
  
Lorelai: (_sarcastically_) Wanted to see if a could reach the ocean...I felt like some fish....I was _tryin_ to help you.  
  
Luke: (_motioning towards her a_rm) Well, let's try to pull it out.  
  
Lorelai: Uh, no.  
  
Luke: Come on. It _won't_ hurt. It got _in_ there, didn't it? It'll come _out_.  
  
Lorelai: (_smiling_) You know, I feel like we're on an episode of _Three's Company_...Mr. Furley will hear our conversation and think we're "gettin it on"...  
  
Luke: (_reaching for her arm_) Here, let me.  
  
Lorelai: No...call the fire department.  
  
Luke: I'm not calling the fire department. Just...(_he grabs her arm_) Ready, we're gonna pull it out...On the count of three...1...2...3...  
  
Lorelai: Whoa!( _as they fly backwards and hit into the kitchen table. Lorelai's practically sitting on his lap.)  
_  
_She stands up. So does he, and then he proceeds to lean up against the sink_.  
  
Lorelai: (_showing him her arm_) Look, it's out.  
  
Luke: (_nodding_) I see. (_handing her the earring_) Here's your earring.  
  
Lorelai: (_taking it_) Thanks. (_she looks at him_) Look...._Don't_ be mad...I just wanted to know when you started to...you know...  
  
Luke: (_nodding_) I know.  
  
Lorelai: (_moving toward him_) Truth...I know it didn't seem like it...(_puts her arms around his neck and smiling_)...But, I always kinda knew there was somethin different about us...wasn't sure what it was...you just figured it out before I did...  
  
Luke: (_looking down_) I guess.  
  
Lorelai: (_smiling_) Thanks for gettin my earring.  
  
Luke: (_looking over her shoulder and then at her_) Well, I couldn't have done it without Bert.  
  
Lorelai: (_smiling_) Yeah...Bert's the man!  
  
_They kiss.  
_  
Luke: (_smiling_) You know, we're missin the movie.  
  
Lorelai: Yeah...you don't even know who the killer is yet.  
  
Luke: Yeah I do...It's Norman.  
  
Lorelai: (_surprised_) How'd you know?  
  
Luke: No one's _that _creepy...and not a killer.  
  
Lorelai: Well, come on.  
  
_She takes Luke's arm to pull him out of the kitchen.  
  
_Luke: I guess we'll have to rewind it.  
  
Lorelai: Ah...screw the movie...let's just go make out.  
  
Luke: Whatever you say.

Fade to Black. End Credits.  
  
[Stay tuned...Episode 3 coming soon]


End file.
